John’s Anniversary Message

Darling John
Here we are again on the day that you were so senselessly taken from us all, this day seems to come around so quickly, it’s because me and your Dad dread this day so very much, because today changed our lives forever, I have been in my own hell since you were murdered six years ago John, nothing is of interest to me, I go through each day just trying to cope, trying to make some sense of why you are dead.

We still after six years find it so hard to accept that you have been taken from us, we see so many nasty, selfish and cruel people in the news and when we are out and about in our car, so many inconsiderate drivers that have no regard for other people, we see how easy it is to maim and kill other people, it really upsets us both. The sad thing about all of these criminals is that they will not be punished for their crimes; it seems that the innocent are punished and are given no respect at all. You can blame the stupid laws of this country for this, and I also blame the people that attend road collisions for not helping the victims of crime.

I wish John that I could sit in front of this computer and write a book about my feelings and emotions of your death, to off load all my sorrow and grief into a book, I know that there are people that have done this and I so envy them for that ability. I just want people to know about you John to share with us both the joy of your life and the horrible impact that you death has had on the both of us.
John we will be saying goodbye to Lawrence soon, please look after him for us both, he is going around the other side of the world to live, he wants to start afresh and we cannot blame him, just keep him safe for us both.

Also John help us both make the right move, we need to move from here because there are too many memories in this house and area, it is a constant struggle to get up in the day and try to survive because every which way we turn it reminds us of you, your father is finding it very hard at the moment, so help him John, he keeps saying that if only he could see you he would be so happy, I have told him that if you did make yourself known to him, it would frighten the life out of him.

Life is a fragile thing one moment you are here then the next moment you are gone forever, someone said to me, its knowing that you will never see that person again that makes it so hard, I would agree with that. Until someone that you love dies it makes you realise that we all take life for granted, we never think about dying, things that seemed important are not when you lose the one you love, because the one thing that you cherished and loved so much is not here, we would give it all up just to have you here John.

I often wonder if the person that murdered you every thinks about you John, whether he wonders what sort of person you where, I hope that he now has children of his own and he looks at them and realises the complete and utter love that all parent have for their children, and then realises what he has done to us both.

Your father has spent the last few months redesigning your new web site and I can say that you would be so proud of him, he spent hours putting it all together himself, I don’t know how many times he got angry and said I wish John was here to help me, but as I said to him if you were here there would not be a remembrance site in your memory.

When we have been out and about in the car, it’s amazing to see so many yellow cars, it makes me laugh, because John your first car was bright yellow, we could see you coming for miles, but that was you John you loved bright colours, I remember the red jacket that you bought, we so took the mickey out of you, we said you look like you were going to work at Butlin’s as a red coat. But John it didn’t matter what you wore you always looked good, you where one of those people that could wear a sack and still look good.

We will be going to the crematorium today and we are hoping that the weather will be good to us both, we like to sit there and be near you, John I hate going up there when it’s cold because you hated the cold so much. I would have hated to have you buried in the ground; I would always be worrying that you where cold. It would have been lovely to have a grave with a stone on it but I know that you would not have wanted to be laid to rest in the ground, we know that you would have agreed with us all that cremation was the best thing for you. At least we had your ashes laid to rest and we can go and sit with you and tell you all that has been happening in our lives.

We both miss you so much, you brought laughter and joy into all our life’s, so many things have happened and are going to happen in the future that you will not be here for,  but John we know that you are watching over us all , and that you will guide us  to all make the right decisions in life.
Please John help Margaret in her hour of need, bring her back to us all, look after her in her sleep, and help her to recover from her illness.

Till we meet again son, rest in peace and we miss you so very much.
Luv’s you
Mum and Dad.  XXXXXXX
                           XXXXX

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